Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
