im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize