Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
