we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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