I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
