you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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