Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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