I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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