Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I love you. Go after that dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
