My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
