so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
