so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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