But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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