Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
