When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
