did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
