I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
