I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize