grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
