Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Houston, we have a blender
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
