Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
