never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
