WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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