All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
