I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
