Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
