Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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