At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
