Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
