don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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