oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
