he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
