The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
