my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
