what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
