Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
handjob tips. give me some.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
