Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
