I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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