i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
