I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
