Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
