Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
