I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
