It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize