I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
