two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize