You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
