We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
