one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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