i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
