Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
