That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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