I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
