he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
