do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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