Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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