I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
