if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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