Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
