you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
its liver damage thursday
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
