Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
