New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
