thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
