I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize