She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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