dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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