I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
