I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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