2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
