she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
