I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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