Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
false alarm, still single
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
