I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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