im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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