Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
