Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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