I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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