NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
