it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
