You can't special order awesome
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize