so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
