I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
