My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
