No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
