it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
