I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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