I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize